Long time no read

I was inspired to do a google search a la Carolyn and came to a sad conclusion. I talk about nothing cool. But these things did come up:

Caroline Kraddick
People!! You will NOT see a picture of Kidd Kraddick's daughter here! My daughter's name is Caroline.
hock a lugee
Still wondering about the correct spelling
farrell homemade
PORN!

And now onto this month's topics....

Positive pregnancy tests. I hate them. I really feel defective. Whenever anyone (read: everyone) asks when we are having another baby they always make the statement, "It's easier to get pregnant the second time." Really? Don't think so. I have not been on birth control AT ALL and we used a condom maybe once when Caroline was 3 months or so. I get a postive pregnancy test and the next day it is negative. Just call me the queen of chemical pregnancies. It really made me think about having another baby though. I am back and forth on that one.

Friends. I have very few IRL here in Texas. I have my sister of course, Corie, Joanna (YAY!!) and many many "close acquaintances." I have my Snarks, but lately I don't feel like a part of the group anymore. It's not like it used to be and that is mostly because I am hardly on anymore. It sucks.

Teeth. Why does Caroline still only have 2? And why do my teeth not look so sparkly white? I don't even smoke anymore. OK, most of the time I don't smoke. I have been known to light up for special occasions, like drinking.

Zitty and fat. That's how I would describe myself right now. I'm miserable. The self esteem may be at an all time low.

Tommy. HA! I haven't taken my meds in almost 2 months. The doctor's office won't refill my script until I come in and I need my MRI and bloodwork to have a real visit. Can't afford it! My lack of meds is really starting to show too. I feel very slow and say the stupidest things lately. That's what happens. Maybe that explains the fat???

OK. I think I'm done.

Oh yeah, P.S. We buried our Grandma this past weekend. Laura and I had never been there before and got to see where our Grandpa (who we never met) was buried. We got to see family we hadn't seen since before either of us was married too.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

A couple of days late in blog world, but we've been busy.

My baby girl turned one last week. She's not a baby anymore. She's a TODDLER!! She is wobble walking all over the place and getting better everyday! One day soon, I promise to catch it on video and post it.

Cake, specifically the frosting part, is a big hit at our house.



I am amazed at how much she has changed in the past week. The walking, her ability to communicate, everything. She is waving bye bye and hello all the time now and not being shy like before. She gives me kisses all the time. I love it! Just today, I was getting ready to leave for lunch and waving bye bye to her. She started to cry and crawl towards me, stopped and waved at John and turned back around to crawl to me. She was going to go with me and not stay with her Daddy! It was hilarious! When she passes the pictures in the hallway, she looks and points at them EVERY TIME!!

1 year stats:
23lbs. 14 oz. (75-90 percentile)
30 3/4 in. tall (90 percentile)

Happy Birthday to my BIG GIRL!!! I love you Miss Caroline!

Here it is! It's what you've been waiting for!

A post. A simple post to say Hello to my husband who checks this daily to find out what I say about him.

Hello!

Happy now?

P.S. For all you non-husband readers, Caroline said Mama. I don't know if she associates it with me, but I don't care. MAMA! Best word in the world!

Things I love about my Sweet Caroline

*Walking through the door and seeing my baby girl smile as she recognizes me.

*Holding her when she falls asleep after drinking her bedtime bottle. I love the heaviness of her tired little body.

*Listening to her babble and hearing the occasional Dada and sometimes Mama.

*Pigtails! (And the more popular and easier to do ponytail too!)

*Listening to her laugh at the silly dog.

*Playing peekaboo.

*Sneaking in at night to watch her sleep...with her butt up in the air.

*Seeing the pure adoration that she has for her Daddy. He is her world. I can't even explain how much she lights up when I ask "Where's Dada?" and she looks at him.

And my most favorite thing right now...

*Sweet little baby kisses! (when she'll give them of course)

It's been five years since 9/11. I was at work that day at the doctor's other office. I was by myself and there was no TV. I was listening to Kidd Kraddick in the morning and trying desperately to get something on the internet, but it was slow b/c so many people were trying to do the same. I was worried about my cousins who lived in DC. My uncle was in midair and had to land immediately. I got a hold of my Dad and we both just cried. John and I weren't married yet and had only been engaged about a month. I remember calling him and he was desperate to go up there and help. It amazes me everyday that I have one of those heroes that will run into a burning building and help.

As I held my daughter close and watched the recap on the news on Monday, all I want to do is protect her. What happened on 9/11 was a horrific moment in American history and I support ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that can and will prevent this from happening again in our lifetime and possibly to my child.

God Bless America. We are lucky to have freedom of speech and so many other things that some just don't seem to appreciate. I have read what I consider to be loads of bullshit the past couple of days and I try not to comment on it, but I can't help myself right now. I want to get in someone's face and yell, "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? HOW DARE YOU!"

As I sit here typing...

*My child is hitting the baby gate and yelling at it..."Let me out!"
*My husband is in the kitchen studying for his Officer I class.
*My dog is probably pouting somewhere.
*I hear thunder!!! Does this mean rain?? Please let it mean rain!
*My baby sister is probably preparing for tomorrow, which is the first day of her third year as a first grade teacher.
*Miss Thang just started fussing...now she wants to type.

cbhmfnjrfmf,g,.gx k ,, x/// vgvv

Caroline Nicole was here!


As I sit here typing, I wonder what lies ahead for our little family...

And as I sit here typing, I miss my Snarkie girls so much more than words can describe!

Congratulations Melissa!!
I miss you Holly!!
I want to meet Baby Moo!

Dude-It's been almost a month!

It's been almost a month since I last posted. What have I done in that time you ask? I've worked. I've even worked the dreaded overtime. Not so much that it sucks, but just enough to make your househusband a little bit pissy when you get home at 7:15pm.

Also, I haven't been taking my medicine like I should. *holding out hand for a slap* Believe me, I'm getting it. My hair started falling out again, I can't stand to have J touch me, the moods are up and down, I'm forgetting a lot, and the other day there was the tiniest bit of fluid leaking out of the girls. Oh and don't forget the headaches. It was so bad yesterday that I pulled the brain tumor card at work with someone. I hadn't broadcast that news at the new job. I figured it wasn't really necessary. J and I discussed it and I am going to be super diligent about taking my medicine for the next couple weeks and THEN I will go get my MRI and bloodwork that I was supposed to get last month. Tommy the Tumor has been controlled with medication well in the past so if that is what it is, we will handle it!

In other tumor news, I was reading Predator by Patricia Cornwell the other day. Guess what? Lucy has a macroadenoma!!!! That is a bigger version of what I have. (12mm vs 7mm at Tommy's biggest) I kind of got a kick out of it because, well, you just don't hear about them that much. At that point I decided that Grey's Anatomy should have Dr. Shepherd do brain surgery on someone with a pit tumor. I wonder who I should write with my idea??

You meme, I meme, we all meme

7 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Go to Paris
2. Take my daughter to Disneyworld
3. Go back to school
4. Learn to sing
5. Have another baby
6. Have a not so dramatic year
7. Become a stay at home mom

7 THINGS I CAN'T DO
1. Sing
2. Not be moody
3. Eat mac and cheese
4. Drive a stick shift
5. Think of 3 more things

7 THINGS THAT ATTRACTED ME TO MY PARTNER
1. He makes me laugh
2. Big blue eyes
3. Such a cute butt
4. Man in uniform-need I say more?
5. See #4
6. See #4
7. See #4

7 BOOKS I READ OVER AND OVER
1. Little Earthquakes
2. The Devil Wears Prada
3. Jemima J
4. All of the Left Behind series
5. She's Come Undone
6. I Know This Much Is True
7. Good In Bed

7 MOVIES THAT I LOVE
1. Pretty Woman and basically anything with Julia Roberts in it (except maybe Hook)
2. Little Mermaid
3. Friday Night Lights (Tim in boxers!!)
4. Dazed and Confused
5. The Wedding Planner
6. Armageddon
7. My sonogram video

Alright-who is left???

An update

Hi. Still alive. Still tired. Still the same Kissy, except without that extra punch.

Seriously though, everything is about the same in my world. I am working, coming home, playing with the Cookie, putting her to bed, and occasionally talking to the hubby, then going to bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I know-YOU CAN'T STAND THE EXCITEMENT!

I need to sit down and make a list of things to blog about.

It's already been one year

I really don't know what else to say that has not already been said so many times before. Just know that our thoughts are with you and your family Brandi. I pray that justice will soon be served to those responsible.

Things that make you go Yum

*Hot fudge
*Atlanta Bread Company
*Clean baby
*Thin crust cheese pizza from Pizza Hut
*Tim McGraw
*Men in uniform
*Bailey's on ice

These are in no particular order.

Now I am hungry.

Thank you

Nothing like kind words from wonderful friends to help you realize that life is not that bad.

I truly love you guys. You don't know how much my days feel empty without you.

I'm depressed

I really think I am...again.

I am fat. Before you think it or post it-yes, I had a baby almost 7 months ago. That is a long time. I should have lost some weight by now, but I haven't. Not a single pound since my 6week PP appt. My belly is literally a jello like blob. I can't look cute in anything. I just look like the fat girl that people feel like they have to be nice to because "she is trying." Either that, or they were drunk.

I have no desire to do anything. That is why I am fat. I'm tired. I don't want to work out. And when the fock am I supposed to? I work from 8 to 5. From 5(ish) until 8:30, I spend time with my daughter. I get up at 6 and go to bed anywhere between 9:30 and midnight. When I can actually fall asleep, I try to get the most out of it. I have had to take my sleeping pills a lot lately. I just can't get my head to stop.

My face is a zit minefield. Ever since I had Caroline, every month I have zits. I wash my face more religiously than I did before. Still have nasty zits. They come at the best times too. Always when there is something to do and something to try and look nice at.

My hair is just blah. It is the best color ever though, so I probably can't complain about that.

My marriage is shit. I'm not going to go into it, but I want to cry everyday. I love him though. And no, he is not hitting me. He would never ever do that.

I hate my new job. The people that are supposed to be training me are always too busy when I have questions and my assistant manager is a bitch. She is pregnant, so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to cry today. I wanted to quit today. I don't know if it because of the people or because I want to stay at home so bad.

Obviously I have no self esteem. That is most likely my problem. I would give almost anything to get a compliment from someone. I just want to feel like someone actually gives a shit about me and finds me attractive. OK, I'll be honest, I wish a man would pay attention to me.

I think I'm going to go stare at my daughter sleeping. She makes me happy.

Humph. Just got off the phone with the hubby and managed to hysterically cry for a couple minutes and tell him how much I hate my life. He must feel really good. Real life sucks ass. When did it all of a sudden get so hard and so unbelievably sad?

Hi! Remember me?

Yes, I am alive. I am so freaking busy. And tired. God, I am so tired.

I am neglecting pretty much everything and almost everyone in my life right now. I don't get to snark with my girls anymore b/c I don't have access at work. It' s not like I would have time anyway. I don't talk to my sister everyday anymore and I am about a week behind on TV right now. Tonight I was trying to look at some very important things on the internet and J yelled at me b/c he had Caroline all day and I was playing on the computer!! A-hole-ish! I was researching rental cars, baby gifts, and wedding gifts. Sorry! Shit needs to get done!

(Did my blog just become R-rated b/c I said shit? Ooops!!)

This entry sucks, so let me make it worth your while. Here is a link to a really cute kid (that is not mine) on The Random Muse blog. Scroll down. Don't you just want to kiss on him???

Mmmmm...carrots... 

I beg for it everyday

I literally beg J to let me be a SAHM. I know that it is not possible, yet I still bring it up. ALL. THE. TIME. I am utterly exhausted on the weekends when he is not home and it is just me and I was completely exhausted during my week between jobs, but I want it. I want it so bad I cry about it when J isn't home. Last week he asked me to stop bringing it up. I told him that it wasn't possible.

My new job is going to require overtime and a lot of it during the first 4 days of the month. I honestly don't care. I got home at 7pm one night last week and I barely had enough time to eat a little bit of dinner, feed Caroline, give her a bath, and then put her to bed. I called J around 5:45 and told him to go ahead and make himself dinner and she was crying in the background. I started crying. On "normal" days, I only get to spend about 2.5 hours loving on those chubby cheeks when I get home. It's not enough. I mentioned it at work and my co-worker said that the guilt was there no matter how old they are. She has a 5 year old and she stayed at work until 8pm two nights in a row. No way I am going to do that. Family comes FIRST-ALWAYS. My Dad says that it is just 4 days and at least it is not everyday. He has a point, but it still doesn't matter. She is my world. I don't want to miss a minute. I don't want to miss the next big thing happening!!! What if she rolls over and I'm not there? What if she sits up for more than 3 seconds before falling over and I don't see it? No matter how I try to wrap my head around it, I can't justify it. I'll work my 8 hours and complain the whole damn time, but anytime after that has to be spent with my family. I'm a mother and a wife first. Everything else comes after that and doesn't mean half as much.

I wish I was able to work at home. I wish I had some sort of talent, like writing that would let me be here and still make some money. I wish that firefighters made more money. Putting your life on the line is worth SO MUCH MORE than what they are paid. (That is another topic for another day) Amalah = very lucky. Muffy = very lucky. Brenna = very lucky. Me = so jealous I can't see straight sometimes. I really am. Jealous with a capital bolded J and colored in green. How did you guys get so lucky? You truly are blessed and I hope you realize that. I would give anything to be in your shoes. I once heard (or maybe it was read) someone say that people who think they can't stay at home aren't trying hard enough to make it happen. It pissed me off of course. Sometimes it really isn't possible and it sucks.

Update much?

Has anyone been waiting to hear about my first week, now 2 weeks at the new job?? Well, to make a long story short, I have learned more about mortgage banking in these 2 weeks than I learned in the year at the other company. I've learned 6 new computer systems and even learned how to calculate simple interest and per diems manually. I am still not 100% sure what my specific job will be, but that will come OTJ I guess.

I will be working on an end of month to end of month reporting period and will be the analyst in charge of reporting expected $$ to a large group of investors. I know without a doubt that it will be so hard, and I will be working late a lot and the days will pass by quickly. Partial thumbs up on the overtime, but more so thumbsdown. I've been getting home at 5:15pm and Caroline has been going to sleep around 7:30. Not much time to spend with the one great thing in my life. I hope my new coworkers understand that I can't stay at work like they can and do. There are days when I will have to leave ASAP b/c John is at work and I have to pick her up at the babysitters. There will be days like today, when I have to stay home to take care of her. It's not possible for him to miss work.

Tomorrow is Caroline's Baptism. I am excited b/c this is a very important part of her life to be. We are raising her Catholic and will give her the choice to practice whichever religion or no religion that she wants after she has been Confirmed. John and I were both given that option and we feel that it is what we want to do as well. John's sister won't be coming and I really don't know how I feel about that. He doesn't seem to care. I will never understand his family. Weird with a capital W.

Fingers are yummy!

Nothing too exciting happening here at the house. I have a week off before I start my new job. Just lots and lots of QUALITY mommy-daughter time. I love her so much and I really hate that I have to work.

She's getting so freaking big.

Standby for cuteness

Caroline is a hoot. She has so many expressions and moods. She is just discovering that she can grab on to things and put them in her mouth. Yesterday, she got a mouthfull of coupons. Yummy! Today, she was jabbering and squealing away, so John put the phone up to her mouth and they called me at work. She wouldn't let go of the phone and I swear I heard licking sounds.

Her newest thing is blowing raspberries and spit talking. Now my girls have seen this, but for anyone else, here you go.

I love it! I'm starting to wonder if I take too many pictures and videos. I haven't even started writing in her baby book and she has already done so much.

Well whatayaknow

I like almonds. Huh. I will occasionally have them on a salad at restaurants. I was craving a salad tonight for dinner so I went to WalMart and got this:

Romaine Bag o'Salad
Roasted Almond Slivers
Mandarin Oranges
Balsamic Italian Vinagerette
Pre-sliced and cooked grilled chicken strips

Also in the cart, but not on the salad...a bag of sliced apples and some strawberries and pineapple (pre-packaged of course). Oh and somecookiedoughicecreamandanUSWeekly.

ANYWAY, salad was delicious and oh so healthy. I tried a handful of almonds afterwards. YUM!! But now I have gas...do almonds cause gas?

My name is Kimberly and I'm a snoop

I admit it. I look thru DH's email occasionally. We've had real issues before, so I feel that I am justified in doing it. I managed to get into his myspace and read his mail there too. There were emails from girls at his work and they were so flirty. He is a flirt. He always has been. I just don't feel that it is very respectful to his wife and child at home.

I called him on it and now he has changed his email password and his myspace password. That makes me even more suspicious now.

I've asked him how he would feel if he read those things in my email and I was chatting with another guy like that. He says he doesn't know, but he probably wouldn't be mad. You know what? I wouldn't do that!! That's why he can't answer that question. Maybe I should do it.

Sometimes I really want him to know what it feels like all the times he has hurt my feelings.

Time is just flying by!!

At her 4 month appointment, she weighed 14lbs. 12 oz. and was 24 inches long!!!! She amazes me every single day and when I come home, I SWEAR she has gotten bigger since the day before.

Our trip to Durango

Just got back on Monday from our trip. I wouldn't call it a vacation for these reasons:
1. Going to visit your Grandma to introduce her to her FIRST great-grandchild before she passes away is not fun and very sad.
2. Walking up 2 flights of stairs at least 4 times every hour is not a vacation, it is a workout.
3. Being snowed in and not able to go shopping is kind of boring.

It started snowing on Friday while we were driving through the Indian Reservation after Albequerque (sp?), NM. It didn't stop snowing until the same place on Sunday. I love snow. I never see snow unless it is in a picture. Laura is jealous. HAHA.

John went skiing on Saturday at the Durango Mountain Resort. My Aunt, Dad, Caroline and I went to visit my Grandma in her nursing home. I knew this would be hard. I didn't know how my Dad would react and frankly, I was more worried about him. I held up the carrier so Grandma could see Caroline and she looked at her and mumbled. She can't communicate, but she KNEW who she was looking at. I cried. We went back to another room and took Caroline out of her carrier. Grandma just watched me and watched Caroline. We put her in her lap against her left arm, which is strapped to her wheelchair to help keep her propped up. She can't move her left side. Caroline just looked around and was a perfect angel. We took some pictures and my Aunt asked me to pull Caroline's sweater down. Before I could do it, Grandma reached over with her good hand and pulled it down. I can't imagine what it must be like to comprehend everything around you, but not be able to communicate back with those that love you. I hope that seeing Caroline was good for Grandma. I don't expect her to get any better b/c of this visit. If for some reason she was waiting to see Caroline and can let go, I'm OK with that too.

On Sunday, we went back to the nursing home before we left and John came with us this time. Grandma was worn out. She kept falling asleep and was having a drooling day. She has Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. I'll say it again, b/c I can't stop thinking it...I can't imagine what it must be like. I don't think I would want to live like that.

We split the drive again and stayed in Amarillo, TX on Sunday night. We arrived around 10:30pm to a RAGING wind and news of wildfires. On the drive home, we drove through smoke...or so I'm told. I was sleeping. As of right now, 11 people have died in those West Texas fires and they are still going! At 5:00 today, John told me that the fire is only 50% contained. That is not good.

I am worn out. Worn out from the drive, worn out from the emotional visit, and worn out from all the stairs. Why am I not sleeping yet?

NEW LINK

I will still post the occasional Caroline picture when her cuteness is too much not to share IMMEDIATELY, but I have added a link ------------> to her own personal website. Shutterfly has "Collections" that you can share and people can access site whenever they want!!

Feel free to bask in her cuteness and leave comments that say how cute she is. HAHA. I'm such a proud Mommy!

Trips of 2006

~Durango, CO
~Chicago, IL
~Orlando, FL
~Estes Park, CO or Las Vegas
~Belle, WV
~Myrtle Beach, SC

Yeah...4 out of the 6 probably aren't happening. When will my money tree start growing??!?!?!

My eyes!!!!

Seriously. My vision sucks so bad right now. I finally went to the eye doctor because I felt like I was straining to see while wearing my contacts. Turns out that I have astigmatism, which is the most common eye problem. The optometrist gave me some contacts with my new script, but it still feels like I am straining, so I've been wearing my glasses the past couple days. I hate it. I don't have prescription sunglasses and I don't like being in the sun without them. I probably won't get new contacts before we leave on our trip either. Bummer.

Speaking of the trip...John, Caroline and I are going to Durango, Colorado and my Dad is coming with us. This should be an interesting trip!! My Grandma is in a nursing home and not doing so well lately. Caroline is her first great-grandchild and I want her to see her in person. I know there won't be any interaction between them, but I know it is the right thing to do. It is going to be hard, because I know my Dad will cry. He's so emotional.

John is going to go skiing at Purgatory while we are there. He loves to ski and hasn't been since before we got together almost 5 years ago. He used to be a ski instructor in West Virginia. I wish that I could go with him, but I must watch the Cookie. I have actually never been skiing before. I would like to try it sometime...who knows when though.

I promise

To all those loyal "Still Standing" blog followers(haha-there are so many)...I promise to update this sometime soon.

A girl and her bear 

How to stay at home

Feel free to make your own suggestions. In fact, please do. I need more ideas.

1. Sell Yukon. Drive smaller car (scary)
2. Sell Chevy. Drive smaller car (still scary) and John can drive the Yukon
3. Sell John. He has a cute butt.
4. Sell body. Wait...that won't bring in much. Who wants a saggy boobed and saggy bellied woman?
5. Sell house...live in Yukon?
6. Take job being offered (kind of) that is closer to home and save the thousands in gas spent monthly with the commute. Pay off bills sooner.
7. Get pregnant again because John said I could stay at home if there were 2 (not counting him of course).

I love that girl

I think I love her more than John. I really do. Is that bad? I guess it is a different kind of love, so I shouldn't compare the two.

It's just the two of us tonight, well three if you count Wyatt, but he's just a dog now. Poor guy. I really do feel sorry for him. Anyway. It's just me and Caroline today because Daddy is at work. We woke up around 6:30am and ate and then went back to sleep until 10:30. I was on the couch and she was in her bouncy seat. She ate again and I took a shower. I decided to go to Chicfila for lunch because I have actually been DAYDREAMING about it at work. I think the last time I ate it was before I went back to work. It was so freaking good! The nuggets had the perfect amount of crunchies on the outside and the fries were perfect. It was all PERFECT! Even the mayo. Sigh. I'm hungry for it again. We went to Target next and bought some sleepers and a birthday present for Annmarie. She'll be 4 already on Tuesday. Time flies. Then, we got home and watched In Her Shoes. It was pretty good. The book was better. The book is ALWAYS better. Someone tell me an actual movie that was better than the book and I'll give you a virtual cookie.

Fast forward to when she is eating AGAIN. She is a little piggie these days. Well, she was just staring at me. Then she smiled around her bottle. It was the cutest thing. I can't believe that we finally had her. I love to look at her little profile. It looks exactly like her sonogram pictures. Her little nose has the slightest little upturn. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I love having a little girl. This is the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life, but I love it. I love her. Even when she screams and I can't stand it anymore, I love her...just don't tell anyone that because I make fun of my Mom when she says it.

Searching for substance

I am still on a quest to find something to talk about on here that has substance and is not baby related. HA. I'm having problems with it. My first thought is to talk about friends, so here goes...

I don't have that many real life friends. I admit it. I have a lot of acquaintances and a lot of former friends who are just acquaintances now. I probably have only 2 or 3 REAL friends in this area and one of those is my sister.

Friend:
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade

My internet friends are the ones I turn to on a daily basis to make me laugh and to make me cry. They listen when I vent and I try to do the same for them. I can't even describe how important my Snarkies are. I can't be without them. Does that make me weird?? Maybe, but so what. It amazes me that we can have so many different types of women (and man) that have so many different backgrounds, religions, and opinions (oh the opinions!!) and we can get along most of the time.

I just wanted to say that I'm thankful for everyone no matter what.

I still feel like this post wasn't what I'm looking for...Maybe one day it will come to me. Maybe one day I will feel confident enough to share this blog with people other than my Snarks...

Ugh-Yuck-Ew

Wednesday-Have a HUGE fight with husband. HUGE. Life sucks, that is all I will say.
Thursday-Go to work-feel like crap-Go home early with fever and chills. Spend all night sweating it out and taking care of baby, hoping she doesn't get it.
Friday-The Big D...ALL...DAY...LONG...I hope I at least lost some weight.
This morning-Period watch is over. That bitch is here. I hope it doesn't suck too bad, b/c I really don't want this weekend to be any worse.

Oh and my husband just walked in and started reading this over my shoulder.

Sigh.

I'm torn

Torn between 2 evils!! In between a rock and a hard place!

a.) I need to work on this jelly belly
b.) I love to eat junk food.

I have no strength whatsoever. I'm trying to be good today, or at least better than I normally am. I have not had any Coke or coffee. I have had 2 granny smith apples. I think I might need to have a bit of Coke when I go home though b/c I'm starting to get a kickin headache.

So, I was at home with the little Cookie yesterday since she is still sick and we wanted to make sure that the whole throwing up thing was related to phlegm and not something contagious. It is oh so sad to watch your baby gag and choke. BUT, it is kinda funny to hear a 3 month all try to hock a lugee. Which leads me to a question..How do you spell loogee?? See, that is 2 different ways. No idea. I've never had to type or write it.

Anyway, I did not want to leave her this morning. She looked so sweet and peaceful when she fell back asleep after her 415am bottle.

Sigh.

Monday-Monday

Blah. Mondays suck. I think Mondays should become part of the weekend so they wouldn't suck so bad. Then I would hate Tuesdays, so it is a no win situation.

I finally got a pedicure this weekend!!! I haven't had one since before Caroline was born and my feet were looking nasty. "It's winter. Why does it matter?" you ask. Why...because it is 70 degrees here most days, so I am wearing my flops and my feet need to look perty. Also, because when I do wear shoes and socks, the socks get caught on my nasty heels. Ew....there's a visual for ya.

John and I were discussing the places we needed to visit this year. We are going to Durango, Colorado in March to visit my Grandma in her nursing home. I want her to see her first grandchild in person before she passes away. There won't be much interaction, but at least she will see her. Then, there is the Snarkie GTG planned in April and then the wedding at the end of May. (HURRY UP KEVIN!! Let's make it official so I can book some plane tickets!) John's 10-year reunion is this year and he's been talking to a few people on myspace.com about it, so he is leaning towards going. That's in Belle, West Virginia. We also wanted to go to Myrtle Beach this year, but I am pretty sure that will be the first cut. I think it already may be done.

Also, I'm a computer idiot and don't know how to make the cool links to things if I mention them without posting the WHOLE web address.

And another thing...to all the people who search for Caroline Kraddick and pull up my blog, HELLO!!! You better not be pervs. That whole Dateline special on Friday made me leary (spelling?) I am contemplating never introducing the computer to my Caroline. She won't be dating either.

One more...if anyone is in need of a restaurant style Rotisserie, please contact me. I want to get this thing out of my garage. Thanks.

You can see the little attitude forming already. 

I suck at this

I really do suck at keeping up with this blog and writing interesting little tidbits everyday. I honestly don't have any stories to tell and nothing exciting happens to me.

Other things I suck at:
*cooking
*telling people when they hurt my feelings
*functioning with less than 5 hours sleep
*keeping my NY resolutions

My day-Beginning at the beginning
12:00am-Sleeping
1:00am-Wake up to Caroline cough-choking
2:00am-Sleeping
3:00am-See 1:00am
4:00am-Toss and turn
5:00am-Oh joy! Ten minutes of sleep!! Wake up to Caroline cough/choking and then screaming to be fed. Feed her. Take shower. Do hair & throw on some makeup. Get dressed.
6:00am-Finish getting the sitter bag together. Drop Caroline off at sitter. Hear how much she has changed. Drive to work.
7:00am-15 minutes late to work.
8-10:00am-Print and PDF numerous promissory notes. Shove pencils in eyes b/c it is so boring.
11:00am-Boring
12:00pm-DRIVE TO MCDONALDS!!!! Yell at stupid moron drivers. Eat sucky McD's and go back into work.
1:00-3:59pm-Calculate prepayment penalties for loans that converted to a fixed interest rate using the Federal Reserve statistics for the weekly H15 rates. Blah blah blah. Go to bathroom every 45 minutes throughout the day. Still no period.
4:00pm-Pick up Caroline. She only cough/choked 3 times at sitter's house. Lucky her. By her, I mean the sitter.
5:00pm-Enjoy a long bathroom visit. Still no period in case you were wondering.
6:00-7:00pm-Gossip with neighbor. Make some ranch bacon pasta. Feed baby. Change diaper.
8:00pm-Do this

There you go. I know you are jealous. You wish you had my life. Oh and today is my half birthday. Exciting stuff.

I'm sure that one day she'll hate me for this

A new addition

to the blog. If you will look to the right, you will see a new section devoted to my third love-celebrity gossip. I can't get enough! I recently found all the cool blogs and have listed some of my favorites. I might even add more.

Please notice the disclaimer. Occasionally, there might be a picture that isn't entirely work appropriate. There were still shots of the Colin Farrell homemade porn a couple weeks ago on one of them.

D-Listed has a TON of links to other sites.

Enjoy!!!

I'm in for a long night

Doing what she does best...


Caroline has pretty much been sleeping the WHOLE DAY and when I try to get her to stay up, she's really floppy and just falls back asleep. She'll be bright-eyed around 2 a.m. I can picture it now...

John is working an extra shift today and his regular shift tomorrow. Then on Monday night, he'll be working an overnight at the surgery center. Even though our lives are completely different now, I still miss him a ton. When we go to bed at night, it is like we barely have enough energy to kiss goodnight before we both roll over and fall asleep. It's so romantic!

Today Caroline got her pics taken at Picture People. She would not smile AT ALL. She's been extra smiley everywhere else lately, so I was kind of bummed. Oh well. It's not like I don't have a MILLION pictures of her already and it's not like she will never get her pics taken professionally again. YAY for free 8x10 coupons!!

Did I mention I am waiting for my period?? I am and I hate waiting. I have no patience. It has been almost 7 weeks since I stopped breastfeeding and 2 weeks since I started taking my tumor meds. I was kinda hoping it would happen soon b/c the thought of getting pregnant again is starting to terrify me.

One day I will organize my thoughts into specific topics/posts. I'm just better at stream of consciousness writing. The randomness works for me.

Love is a beautiful thing

She really is the sweetest face ever made. The past couple of days have been absolutely wonderful. My Sweet Caroline smiles at me more and more everyday and everyday, my heart grows a little bigger. OMG-it's just amazing and really hard to put into words. I love this little girl so much and I am so thankful that she is here.

Right now, she is sitting in her OW bouncer and talking to herself. She just started doing this and it cracks me up. Lots of coos and gaa noises.

I love it when people in random places comment on her. We were at the Crapper Barrell yesterday and a lady at the table next to us kept on saying how beautiful she is. SHE IS!! THANK YOU!! *insert my huge ass smile here*

And watching John with her?!?! OMG Don't even get me started. I knew I was in love with him 5 years ago when I saw him with my cousins. He is fantastic with kids and always has been. When I see him with our baby girl, my heart just melts. She smiled at him first and she already has him wrapped around her tiny little finger. That didn't take long at all. She is definitely a Daddy's Girl.

There's a whole lotta love in our house now. It's gonna be coming out the doors soon.

It's all about the numbers and competition

It's all about how many times I've fed her or how many poopy diapers he's changed. It's all about who has to get up in the middle of the night however many days in a row. It's all about the next 2 nights when he won't be home at all. Eventually, it is all going to even out and eventually we will both realize that it doesn't freaking matter and has to be done anyway.

My mom and my sister have this odd little competition going. Or rather, my mom does. Laura just laughs at her. If my mom does something with Caroline or sees her and Laura doesn't-she calls her and rubs it in. Laura babysat for me on Saturday morning while I was at the dentist. When I told my mom, she seemed hurt. WTF?

Me: I'm going to the dentist at 7:30 tomorrow morning, so Laura is going to come over and watch Caroline for me.
Her: *pause*pause*pause*pause*Oh.
Me: This was last minute and she only lives 2 miles away.

Oh and my second week back at work is so much better. As much as I miss her, I think that being at work is helping me. I have to be sane to raise her right?!

And the titles magicallly appear

It just took me awhile to figure out how to do it. Note to self: Blogger Help is there for a reason!

It's Saturday and I just finished my first week back at work. I am bored bored bored!! Four more people were hired since I've been gone. I do my work and then play on the Snark. AND I GET PAID FOR IT!! Suckas!

Seriously though. My first day back, I couldn't get into my computer because I forgot the password. I had to reset that and then when I got into my computer, I realized that my access had been taken away due to lack of use. Then I had to wait for all that to be fixed. You would think the boss would have taken care of some of that before I came back. She knew when it was going to happen. What she DOES do is tell me that I will be training people. I told her no. I need to retrain myself!

I've made it perfectly clear that I am only there for the money. I sit and stare at the pics in my cube and go through my shutterfly albums over and over.

Work=money=bills paid

I need to just say this over and over in my head.

Pure joy! 

My sister thinks I have the best blog. She is totally biased. This blog really is boring as hell. It's all baby all the time! Woo freaking hoo.

We are having "a night." Today was her first day at the sitter. The sitter fed her every 2 hours. I choose to agree with Eggy that she just doesn't know her cries, but tonight SUCKS!! She has pretty much been SCREAMING since 730pm and has only eaten 2 oz since 400pm. I'm in for a long night. Poor thing sounds like she is in pain and when I tried to feed her again, she would take a couple of sucks and then start screaming. I'm worried that her throat hurts or something. That is what I have had. How do you tell if a baby's throat is inflamed???? You can't exactly say open wide. She was flailing around a lot though. Maybe she is just overtired and overstimulated from her first day??? Parenting is a lot of guessing. Wouldn't it be the best if babies could talk right out of the womb?

If she is still like this tomorrow, I will probably have John call the doctor since I will be at work.

And her feeling yucky and me being gone becomes yet ANOTHER reason why it tears me up that I have to be at that fucking place. Stupid bills, stupid work...