I totally suck at this updating thing

Anyway...

As of Friday, I am 3 months pregnant! The little one is a hyper little thing already. Dancing for the ultrasounds.

Here's the story for those that don't know it:

We met with a RE on July 31st. He ordered a bunch of genetic testing and told us that we could maybe do one more IUI and then we should move on to IVF. He told us our chances of conceiving via IUI were smaller each time, so it was up to us how we wanted to spend our $$. The nurse told us she would contact us with the testing info and 2 weeks later, she still hadnt. After many talks, we (okay, mostly me) decided that we would be ok having only Caroline. We would be able to do do and see so much more. It wasn't our plan, but it would be fine. We decided to do a onetime try at IVF once my new infertility benefits started sometime next year.

Those talks must have been our luck or something because I started feeling horrible. Tired, zitty, hungry, and oily. Just horrible. I told one of my friends, "if I didn't know I couldn't get pregnant the old fashioned way, I'd swear I was pregnant." I bought a pregnancy test that night. I peed and 2 lines immediately showed up. Since I was not expecting a positive test, I figured the results would be a plus sign and line in the control window. I went about my business and got ready to throw that sucker away when I noticed that the tests on the box had 2 lines. Weird. Read the directions and OMIGOD!!! I am pregnant! I immediately started sobbing.

John called me about 5 minutes later and started asking me about my vision benefits. I told him I didn't care, but did his new insurance have good maternity benefits? He didn't get it. I had to repeat it a couple times and then finally say JOHN, I'm PREGNANT!! He was shocked to say the least.

So, miracle #2 has a due date of May 8th, but will probably arrive sometime in April.

I'm pregnant!!!

Surprise!

Unassisted and totally unexpected! We are insanely happy!

Another update

Sigh. That about covers it.

This cycle I took an extra day of Clomid and Estrace everyday twice a day since day 3. Because of the holiday, I went in for my sono to check my follicles on day 14. That was Monday. Well, for the first time, I had 4 follicles! Exciting, but...they weren't mature enough. The nurse told me to come back the next day so we could check again. Tuesday...still not mature. Come back tomorrow for the last chance. So, this morning, I went in and they still weren't big enough. In addition, I have a ridiculously thin lining. Let's call it dismal even. Cycle cancelled. Again. Out of 5 cycles, I've only made it to insemination twice. Two have been cancelled before it even started because of cysts and now this. I have to say, this one hurts a bit more.

So, we will be going to see a reproductive endocrinologist(RE). Not to be confused of course with my plain ole regular endocrinologist. He supposedly has many more drug options and he is brutally honest. If there is no way for us to have another kid without doing IVF, he will tell us right off the bat. Here's hoping I just need to a different cocktail of drugs to shake things up. And inexpensive ones too...fingers crossed!

John and I were talking about how Caroline is even more of a miracle baby than we thought.

Surprise! We weren't even trying!

I've always wanted to say that and probably won't get the opportunity. So, I've come up with some other ways to use it.

1. Suprise! We weren't even trying. We just happened to go to the store and found the perfect comforter. The house won't be ready for months!
2. Surprise! We weren't even trying to be on time. We just always are. ALWAYS. It's annoying.
3. Surprise! We weren't even trying to have a potty trained kiddo. Well,honestly that's a lie. She peed on the couch twice last week and I can't get the smell out.
4. Suprise! We weren't even trying! I swear we were just trying to get rid of the pee stink. We didn't try to catch the apartment on fire. Who does that?
5. Surprise! We weren't even trying...Yeah...don't have any more. I don't feel that witty.

Yet another friend has gotten pregnant and it's a total suprise and they weren't trying. Blah blah blah. In case you were wondering, heck yes I am jealous. So jealous. It makes me sad. John said to me - It's just another person you can hate. I don't HATE them. I'm just green with envy, jealousy, whatever you call it.

I probably seem ungrateful or whatever. I mean, I have a beautiful little girl already. Lots of couples haven't even had 1 blessing. I don't mean to sound that way. But what I wouldn't give to have something in my life be that easy.

Another one bites the dust

This was supposed to be our lucky cycle. #16 is when we conceived Caroline on our own. We have so much going on, of course we would get pregnant now. Yeah right.

Just got back from the doctor. PG test came back negative and I'm sure the beta will too. Got a sono to prepare for the next cycle and I have a big honking cyst, so no next cycle. We'll be taking #17 off.

I feel so beat down and broken. I really do.

On non-baby fronts, we sold our house and have to be out in 10 days. We are going to be apartment dwellers once again. Oh and NKOTB will be here in October.

Having another baby...

is turning out to be harder than last time.

We started trying for #2 after we had a surprise positive test on Caroline's first birthday. I miscarried a couple of days later. Fast forward to December...my tubes are clear, my prolactin is OK (just a tad too high) and it's not just me with the fertility issue now.

We are apparently the perfect candidates for IUI. Both female and male factor infertility. Fun times. Today is CD 9. I took Clomid on days 3-7 and boy do I hate it! We go on Saturday to check my follicles and if all is well, John gives me the shot to stimulate ovulation that afternoon and then we make some babies on Monday!!! I am nervous, excited, scared. My emotions are all over the place. I'm scared of the results on Saturday. I hope I have follicles and I hope they are big enough.

So, I haven't been keeping quiet about it at work. All of my group knows that I suffer from infertility and my BOSS even knows I'm getting inseminated on Monday. How embarassing is that? But truly, deep down inside, I want to talk about it to everyone. I hold on to the hope that other people suffer from the same thing, but just don't talk about it. I wish they would. Maybe if there were enough of us that were vocal about our struggles, about the insurance, then maybe the company might care enough to pay for some of it. You'd think a big company like mine would give a shit. They don't. Although, they do pay for abortions! Doesn't that make you all tingly?

Anyway, wish us luck. Pray for us. Something. We could use some happy news. A baby and the NKOTB reunion would make for a fab summer!

Hi. I'm still here.

I have the possibility of a good post forming in the back of my head, but it's a sensitive subject. Who knows when I'll post it. In the meantime, I am at home! The babysitter had surgery last week, so we are taking turns staying home from work. I love being a Mommy "during the week." It's so different. Unfortunately, it also leads to shopping!